The Words I Wished I Said.

By Ruth:

    Have you enter been in love? Have you ever felt the euphonious feeling of being in love? Have you ever been so helpless because you can’t save your love?

“Love is blind”  an adage once said but is that really true?  Probably it is, after what befell me.

If wishes were horses, if fairy tales were true , if we could dream and command them come true, I would have wished and command Pedro my crush and stupid lover back to the land of the living. 

Pedro was my hero, back born, friend, brother and lover but what was I to him? A torn to the flesh a heart breaker.

I’ve never given him the chance to love me or tell me his feelings not until his death, when I picked a love letter where he scribbled his feelings.

Before you read his sad love note, let me tell you the whole tale.

My name is Allysa, the only child of my parent. I had everything I need and everything every young girl or lady of my age would ever wish for. Beauty, wealth, fame and everything you can think of but there is one unpleasant thing about me, I was stubborn, naughty and troublesome and that left me with no friend but Pedro, the young handsome guy who was besotted so much with me.

How did I meet Pedro ? How did he end up dying for a love he never received? And why did he ever care?

It all started on a fateful Monday, during our chem 101 lecture. I came late for the lecture and the door was closed but I didn’t care as usual.

I pushed the door had to have my way in, the door swung open hitting the wall noisily.

Mr. Ike, our Chem lecturer, a strict mean man, turned to see who the intruder was.

“You little brat! didn’t you see the door was closed?” He ask with a fierce look but I don’t care.

“I did” I replied reluctantly.

“So you had the guts to open the door I closed”

“Because I need to learn, I paid to lean”    I replied him rudely not minding what his next action would be.

“You still have the gusts to speak, will you get out of this place, mannerless idiot” He raved and the student laughed hard but who cares abyway.

I don’t really care I don’t mind or care if they laughed or mocked me. I left the hall banging the door so hard.

“stupid girl” I heard the lecturer said.
“Stupid man” I said beneath my breadth.  

Sitting down alone at the school garden after the incident. I imagine the whole thing over again.

Although I didn’t feel bothered but I wanted the lecturer hurt so he could feel what I feel too.

“Useless Man, what makes him think he’s  the best lecturer?” I asked no one in particular.

“Oh, if only I could get my hands on him I will punch him so hard, for sending me out of the class” I muttered feeling a bit bitter.

“Allysa”  I heard my name.

“what” I got startled and turned to see one of the most handsome guys in campus staring at me but his beauty was not enough to calm me down.

“What is it and what are you doing there?  What do you want? I sputtered.

“Calm down am just a friend”  Said the syrajger.

“Friend” I laughed mockingly.

“Yes, friend” he said kindly.

“please if you don’t have anything important to say, just get out”

“Alright, I didn’t mean to get you upset but”

“I said get lost!” I yelled so hard at him.

I felt much better after yelling at him, I’ve so much wanted to tell at Mr. Ike, our chem lecturer, if only I’ve the opportunity to but I don’t, but I felt better yelling this stranger who left  embarrassed and ashamed of himself.

“non sense” I whispered and left as well.

I got home early that same day not willing to talk to any one.

“Sweet heart, can’t you greet?” my mum called out when she noticed my mood.

“Have you ever seen her greeting anyone before?” my dad questioned.

“She does some times”

“Am glad you said sometimes, you need to teach your child some morals” my dad sputtered.

“Did you just say my child?” my mum asked gradually losing her temper.

“ I wasn’t speaking in Spanish when I said that”

“Oh! She’s my child now not yours right?”

Their silly drama didn’t get me bothered. I got to my room, undressed, had my bath and just as I was about to rest my mum walked to my room.

“Sweetheart, a young man came looking for you while you were out” my mum said.

“Me?” I asked looking at her to be sure she doesn’t think she’s still speaking to my dad.

“Who’s he? What did he say his name is?

“I don’t know, but he’s here again” my mum replied.

“Alright, I will like to see this strange visitor of mine”

Heading towards the door in the siting room, I tied a wrapper toy waist and when I opened the door, standing right before me was Pedro.

“What was he doing here?
I wondered.

“Hello” he smiled.

“What do you think you’re doing here?” I cut him shot almost immediatly.

“I came to see you” he smiled again.

“To see me? Well I don’t want to see you, just get out!” 

“Alright, wait please, can I just have some words with you?

“No way!” I screamed then banged the door.

I turned to see my parents staring at me.

“Is it that this girl thinks she will remain single in my house?” my dad asked.

“I don’t know ask her, she’s also your daughter” my mum replied.
But I left them both to my room.

The next day, I went to school as early as I could and lucky me I was able to meet up before the lecturer.

After some tiresome and stressful lecture we had a free period. I seized the opportunity to get some snacks at the canteen.

Just on my way to get what I could eat, I met Pedro. He was walking towards me.

“he called my name but I snubbed and kept walking”

“Look, can you just wait and listen to me please, just give me a minute of your time” he pleaded but I only walked fast and fast.

This continued for some weeks until a fateful day when Pedro  did the unimaginable and the unthinkable thing.

It was a Saturday evening, I left home for school to get a note from a course mate who was living within the campus.

On my way home, I had no transport fare with me so had to trek home.

I took a narrow but shot way to  my home.

I was walking so fast so I could  get home before it gets dark.

It was harmathan season. I could feel the chilling breeze swaying round me while I walked fast. I wished  I wore my thick cloth and a scarf before coming out, I was really freezing.

I stopped suddenly when I felt someone was behind me, I turned to see if my instinct was right, when I did turned I saw Pedro right beside me.

“you look cold, need a cardigan?” he asked.

“No, thanks” I replied then quickly turned to leave.

“wait” he held my arm.

“What do you think you’re doing” I asked  trying to free myself but his grip was too firm.

“Why do you keep running away from me?” he asked but I hissed and pushed him away but so swiftly as the wind he stood in front of me drew me closer held my face to his then did the most unthinkable.

I kicked and pushed and hit him hard but he never let go until he had what he wanted.

“Am sorry” he said, but I couldn’t help it. I love you”  he said.

“ you dog!” I yelled wiping my lips with my hands.

“I hate you, you disgusting thing, I hate you” I  ran away.

I ran home, I ran to my room.

“Is there anytime this girl will ever come home with a smiling face” I heard my father saying.

” Her cold beautiful  looks can freeze a mans’ heart”

       Right in my room I laid down on my soft cozy bed, I was feeling hot even with the freezing weather. I felt my lips were more hot, a glance at the mirror I saw they were red instead of pink.

The tips of my finger were cold and white but the whole of me was hot. I layed on my bed in anger and hatred, I thought of revenging.

“He will pay for this” I whispered more to myself touching my lips.

The next day I went to school with the intention dealing with Pedro.

I have planned how to hurt him, stealing his text scrip was the best revenge, I  thought that way he would loss some marks.

When I got to school. The atmosphere was calm. I saw some students murmuring hall.

I sensed something was wrong. The student and few lecturer seems so unhappy, they were all having a long face.

I  met a young boy and asked
“What’s it, no lectures?”

“No, a Student died yesterday, last night” he replied.

“A student? Who?” I asked.
“ Pedro!” the young boy cried.

“Excuse me, do you mean Pedro Eze?” I asked with a perplexed look.

“Yes, he got hit by a cab but died before getting to the hospital”

“Oh! My” I gasped in disbelieve.
“But I …….” I stammered.

“But what?” the boy asked.

“Oh! Never mind” I replied not wanting to let him know the experience I had from him.

“ Allysa! Allysa!” I turned to see who was calling my name, it was my course mate.

“Take, Ebuka, gave me this to give to you, he said he picked it from Pedros’ purse before his body was taken to the hospital”

Ebuka was Pedros’ best friend. I wonder why he wants me to have this piece of paper. I took the paper from Amara which was neatly wrapped into a small sheet of paper.

I straighten it and what did I see? I saw a letter referring to me. It says.

To my dear Allysa

When the cold and fearsome wind of harmattern wouldn’t stop blowing, when the nights birds were out cooling and  chirping and when the stars stood far in the clouds glittering and shinning. I met a fierce, sturborn and the most daring girl but she is the most beautiful and fairest of all that I’ve ever seen. 

That fateful night I could remember being so cold and weak. I thought I would get flu soon enough, I walked round the school garden, tired of staring and watching I stood up to leave and judt then from a distance I saw the most beautiful being in the world.

Dressed in a white silk gown with a silver strips round her waist, with a text book which she held tightly to her chest, she walked gallantly into the garden.

She looked for a clean spot and there close to the rose flower she sat calmly. I could perceive the sweet scent from her, I wonder.
“where could this angelic being come from and who is she?” I asked gradually drawing close to her.

the closer I get to her the more enchanted I become, her soft white skin, her blue shinny eyes and her pink lips were already setting me on fire, I looked closely to know who the enchanting being was and who did I see? It was you Allysa.

“Hello” I said but what was your reply?
“How may I help you” you said. As mean and unfriendly your voice was I still found it as the sweetest of all.

“ Can I have some words with you?” I asked but what did you say. You smiled and laughed then I thought I was drawning, choked by your lovely looks.

“Some words with me? “ you said mockingly and I said “Yes” wishing you could  give me that chance but you stood up and left.

Few more talks with you tells me behind this beaurty is a fierce and most stubborn being I’ve ever seen but I don’t really care all I wanted was you.

Please Allysa, give me the chance to love you and show you how much I care. I want us to be friends, best of friends, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

You can be the future mother of my kids if you wish but please just give me the chance to love you and care for you.
You’re the most beautiful and darling being I’ve ever met.

Every time I see you I fall in love all over again. Toinight I will kiss your pink lips with or without your permission “My apologies though, but I just can’t help it, you’re too charming and gorgeous and I love you.

Your darling friend

  After reading the letter I felt like fainting, I didn’t know I was crying already and that drew the attention of the students.

“Are you alright, Allysa?” they all asked but I just ran out of the hall ignoring the numerous questions and eyes staring at me.

I ran to the garden to the spot where Pedro first saw me. I sobbed and wept bitterly I never knew someone cares so  much about me or even love me so.

I’ve always thought people hated me because I was mean, rude and stubborn but here’s the letter from someone who truly cares and  loved me for whom I am.

How I wish I said “I love you”
I so much wished I said “I love you”
These were the words I wished I said, that  “I love you”.            


Hi! There, I'm Lawrence Ruth creating a better world with my with my write ups.

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