POSTED 07/22/2018 18:27
In high school, while my friends were getting themselves hooked up and turning themselves into love birds, I had issues with getting myself a girlfriend.
It was somewhat complicated for me back then, because I really didn't know what I wanted as part of the key features of my "perfect girl" definition or maybe I hadn't enough cash to spend for gifts or maybe I hadn't any form of swag whatsoever to be called a "fresh boy" (the ladies catch).
I had emotions too. Let’s say as a teenager, I was attracted to some of my pair of the opposite sex. My affection towards them wasn't inclined or related to any thought of "sexual pleasure or romance" but rather, their academic performance, beauty, and the I-need-thoughts of getting some one to hit me up with the "how was your night" question and a good morning hug when I arrive at school. This was all I needed to feel loved then.
Unfortunately for me, I was a sucker whenever it comes to shooting my shot.
I mean, do you know what it means to tell a girl that you liked her back then? Like what if she turns you down? What if she and her panel of gossipers place your matter on their table? What if she tells a teacher about it? Or what if her dad or her mom gets to see the letter you slipped into her bag with plenty of love designs and I love you drown and written over it? Mehn that was a boiling pot of soup that you were about to dive into, you know?
Yeah I know.
Whenever I made up my mind to dive into that boiling pot of soup, it never did turn out well for me, I mean I wasn't that fortunate. Yeah I was that unfortunate whenever it came to shooting shots.
I was also victimized by friends who turned snatchers.
I once told a certain friend (class mate) of mine how I felt about a particular girl in class, and I was going to shoot my shot, and me and her were already getting along, and he was like cool and maybe she likes me, and he'll help me make everything smooth.
With a smile of joy, I thanked him and gave him a friendly hand shake as we both parted ways.
...Fast forward to few weeks later, he had already taken charge over her thoughts and shifted me to the waste bin and all I saw and heard was that he was her boyfriend and he got goodies for her during lunch time. I knew I had already lost her to him but what I couldn't imagine was how someone who I called my friend played a fast one on me.
I had a couple of snatches done on me by other male folks too, that it was indeed very painful and emotional that most times I felt like crying for being a looser.
So, I made up my mind to stay mute and restrict my conversations whenever a friend tries to bring out a conversation about "who do you like?" "why do you like her?" and other conversations related to that.
However, I didn't just stay mute completely, I decided to have this conversation with my thoughts, pen and paper: I started writing them down in poems.
Reading and writing these poems alone, brought me back on my feet with the courage that I wasn't a looser after all and I had better champion in me that I had discovered.
I hated Valentine ’s Day.
Growing up as a kid up till when I was a teenager, I had never been a fan of Valentine’s Day because of the mixed religious home where I grew up.
My mom was a Jehovah's witness and my dad was a Baptist, for this reason I had decided to cut off some religious celebrations and doctrines off my head, with few which I picked from both angle of my parents religious views. Let’s just leave it at that.
However, amongst the few I picked to adopt, Valentine’s Day wasn't part of them so wishing someone a happy Valentine’s Day or buying someone a gift on Valentine’s Day wasn't really my thing.
Around My second to last year at high school, I was about buying my first valentines gift for someone, a she. I had conceived this thought after having series of conversations with her close friends, from which they told me that she liked me and they felt that we both had a connection, and it would be better if I had asked her out to be my girlfriend.
So, I thought about it for a while and made up my mind to ask her out on valentines day.
Come to think of it, I'll need a gift for her. Since I was going to shoot my shot on Valentine’s Day. knowing too well that I hadn't much money on me but my transport fair which was just 50 Naira as of then. I decided that I was going to go with my friend Ben who was also going to buy a gift for his girlfriend at the gift shop.
On arrival, Ben and my other classmates had picked beautiful items for their queens, while I was left in confusion thinking what 50 Naira could get me as a gift.
While going through the gift items on the shop's showcase, I then saw a hanky with a small red rose packed together in a transparent pack.
I then asked the old lady selling with my hands pointing at what I wanted.
“Mummy, how much is this?” I asked.
“100 Naira” she responded.
“Okay” I said.
She noticed that I hadn't a smiley face on so she asked me how much I had, I told her I had 50 Naira and she should please help me.
With a big grin, she asked for my money and gave me the packed red rose and hanky for 50 Naira.
After Ben had paid for what he had bought, I pleaded that he help me with some wrapping sheets, he gave me the little that was remaining.
As I made out of the store, I knew this little gift I had gotten meant a lot to me, and I was going to trek a long distance back home under the hot afternoon sun.
The next day was Valentine’s Day, I was fully prepared for the big move, I had waited patiently for break time to reach so I could give her the gift that I got for her.
The bell sounded, it was break time, I rushed down to the toilet to let the pressure urine out, and then came back smiling like a dead goat, you know what i mean right?
I called her to the back seat and had a brief random conversation with her and then I brought out the gift and asked her if she was going to be my girlfriend. She unwrapped the gift, looked at the hanky and the small red rose and stared at me for some seconds before turned me down.
Like that wasn't all, she left and told her friends that I had gotten her an ordinary handkerchief and a toy flower. Like that wasn't all, it flew round the entire class that I got a girl an ordinary handkerchief and an ordinary toy flower and she even rejected me.
This triggered laughter, and mockery at me.
Within, I felt this deep emotional pain of rejection of me and the gift which meant a whole lot to me.
Right now, I feel these crushes weren't meant for me. What was really meant for me were the honest thoughts I shared deep within myself, called self-love.
For this reason, i'm a sucker when it comes to shooting shots, I might end up firing myself on the leg, if i give it a try.
If you ever feel loved by me, my poems might shoot these shot for me.
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