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When I Had You By Patrick Endurance Ndidiamaka

POSTED 02/24/2018 17:18:13
2071 Reads When I Had You By Patrick Endurance Ndidiamaka, short story on Tushstories
"Ugh!" I groaned, waking up to a very unpleasant choking smell. I hissed more even when I realized the smell was coming from my bed spread, the very one I slept on. There and then it dawned on me that I hadn't washed it for almost a month now, I scanned the whole room, it was almost impossible to believe it was my room. My room that once smelled of the sweetest freshener – a mixture of a pleasant cologne now looked like a mechanic's workshop. And not just any kind of workshop but with tools scattered all over with old cars they wouldn't get rid of.
I got up from the bed, not feeling the need for sleep anymore. Instead, I felt the want for fresh air.
"I'll wash it tomorrow" I decided, procrastination being my only virtue in the past months.
Michelle would have made me wash it if she was here, I knew, but frowned at the thought of her. I tried to do without thinking of her and the sudden realization that things were better with her saddened me.
Perhaps she'd moved on. Perhaps she had met someone who valued her. Perhaps she had found happiness elsewhere. The thought of Michelle finding happiness felt like the jab of a knife to my heart.
Perhaps it was better to forget thinking about anything altogether because she seemed to dominate my smallest thought. I tumbled to my feet and left the room, I'd sleep on the couch tonight. Anything to take me away from the memories. Stepping into the sitting room, I met my briefcase comfortably sitting on one of the couch and my suit on the table. I probably left it there when I went to get a drink.
Again, Michelle came to mind. She would have helped me with a drink and we'd both have had a warm bath, eat dinner and retire to bed together with giggles and happiness I'd give anything to have again. The stench coming from the kitchen was worse. I wasn't always this lazy, I did everything with Michelle. She'd cook while I washed plates or she'd dress the room while I cleaned up the sitting room. It was always fun doing things with her. She'd rate me an A, B, C- sometimes even F on each chore I completed.
"You're carrying that over" she'd say sometimes and I'd cup my face in my hands in mock shame. I remembered once when she was ill and I had to make her a spicy sauce because she had no appetite. I knew the soup didn't taste good but at least, I had tried.
"You know what Sam?" she said after taking a scoop.
"Tell me" I said caressing her fingers.
"I'm never falling sick again, just so you don't make me this kind of soup, it's an F9, but since I won't be falling sick again, don't even bother" she said laughing hard.
She ended up doing away with the whole pot.
A smile twitched on my lips now as I threw myself on an empty couch. I missed Michelle, my soul did, the house and everything in it did. She was one super hero I had, the one that'd stay awake with me whenever I had tedious work to do just so she could pour me juice - juice that she'd probably drain herself. I laughed this time and it was impossible to believe the hurtful memories could proffer some solace.
I missed Michelle and would only feel complete if I had her again. Searching for my phone, I decided I wanted her back, regardless of how long or how much I'd made her suffer.
"Michelle" I began a message and wiped it almost immediately.
"Treasure" No! No!! I wiped it again.
"MINE" I typed in and then I smiled.

I'm really sorry! I don't know what to say, but I do know I'm wrong, I've always been. You can call me a fool - anything Michelle, anything. But I love you! And I'm so sorry it took me this long to realize it, I'm so sorry I let my ego suppress the love I have for you, I'm sorry if I let our differences win - differences that I enforced anyway. I was wrong all the while and I'm sorry, baby. I'm not me anymore, I'm the opposite of who you made me into and sitting here in my sitting room, I know how different everything was when I had you and I don't know who has you now but I just want you to know.... I want to have you again, you're my antidote.
— SAM


I heaved a sigh as I clicked the send arrow. Placing the phone on my chest, I lied on the couch, tired from the day's work, closed my eyes and hoped to wake up to Michelle's face. A reply from her at least. My heart was racing, and something about the way it was beating told me I'd still have her again.

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