POSTED 02/20/2018 14:48:43
I knew I was born different, I knew I wasn't myself. I went to school on this faithful day, it was high school. What could be better than high school?
I always had an eye or two for this particular popular girl, Lucy, in school. My class.
How would I approach her? How would I tell her how I felt about her? Even the gods can't attempt those questions.
No one knows how I really felt, what I really wanted. They all assumed I love boys, I do not. They make me nauseous.
"Hi, could you lend me your pen, please? I can't seem to find mine" I know I could have done better than that lame lie just to get her attention.
"Sure, I have an extra pen in my purse, hold on let me get it" she replied.
Oh my God, her voice is so beautiful, could she be any more amazing? No. Maybe? Most definitely.
Of course I wanted to feel her hands while collecting the extra pen from her, her palms looked so soft, so clear, like my swimming pool at home.
"Thank you", I said while collecting the pen from her.
Oh dear mother of God what soft fingers she has. I knew, I had to impress her, one way or another! It was top priority. Project: Radar, I called it. I think I watch a lot of action movies.
The next few weeks were amazing, I dressed differently, walked differently when Lucy came along the hallway. Did all I could to get her attention, made a clown of myself countless times, finally, for the umpteenth time, she noticed me. I wasn't sure if she was into women, like I am.
She asked to sit beside me during lunchtime.
Oh God! My heart couldn't stop beating so fast! This must be the happiest day of my high school life.
"Hey can I sit?" Lucy asked with her voice sounding like a horde of angels singing melodies on a cool evening in heaven.
"Sure, please, do" I replied, sounding like a dying frog that has tuberculosis and whooping cough. I had to clear my throat to sound more pleasant. It didn't work.
We had a cool somewhat conversation throughout the period. We exchanged numbers, and went to our class for the rest of the day. Speaking of the rest of the day, it was magical. We both sheepishly smiled at each other throughout.
The moment I got home, I checked her number on WhatsApp, it was connected. Last seen 30minutes ago. I wasn't sure if I should text her or give her a call. Again, my voice was betraying me for its selfish reasons! I had to text her.
"Hey Lucy, it's Stella. Today was an amazing, want to grab a drink at The Spot later this evening?" I texted her nervously.
"Oh God! She's typing!” I shouted, internally of course. Mom was in the sitting room watching NCIS. That show is boring!
"Hey Stella, sure let's meet up, meet you at 5?"
I replied almost immediately, but it would seem desperate... "Who the hell cares?" I asked aloud.
"Sure thing, meet you there"
I ransacked my wardrobe looking for the perfect first date – is it? Type of clothes.
Short shorts? Nah…
"Oh, this lovely black gown from years ago, looks short thou... I'll wear it!"
I stormed into The Spot, the coolest hangout in the community, looked around to spot Lucy.
“Oh there she was, looking like the angel she is. I love you so much, I could die from all this love" I murmured softly.
"Hey Ella" Lucy greeted as she stood to hug me.
"No one has ever called me Ella, not even myself. What is this?" I pondered.
"Hey girl" I replied, while hugging her back. Her breasts were so soft I could lay my head on them ALL. DAY. LONG.
She ordered for good ol'Pepsi. I didn't want to seem like a drunk bitch alcoholic, I ordered for Fanta, stating it's my favorite.
We had a really great time talking and talking... Wait, she was doing the talking, I was doing the listening. Her voice was so soothing! I knew I had to make my move. I got touchy, smiled more. Out of nowhere!
"I think I have feelings for you" I told her.
Boom! Drop a pin and you could hear it from a mile away. Dead silence. She looked at me, silent. Stood up, walked away.
"Oh my god oh my god oh my god" kept repeating itself in my head. What have I done?! I followed her outside real quick not to lose her. Grabbed her arm and asked her
"Lucy… Lucy what's the matter? Did I say something wrong?" Of course I did.
I must be mad to ask that. Well...
"Lucy please wait" I begged whilst grabbing her hand.
"Please I can explain, I know it came out of the ordi..."
Lucy shut me up with a kiss. Wow.
I looked at her. "Lucy, wow!"
Kissed her back, not to leave her hanging.
She looked at me straight into my eyes. I could feel her looking deep into my soul. She deserves it. My soul. My love.
"Stella, what have you done to me?
"I'm not gay, I'm straight! But you made me fall in love with you. You're an amazing person Ella, I'll have to think about it, please." I held her hands, drew her close to my chest and whispered softly, "Don't think about it too much".
"No problem Ell" Hian, which one is Ell?
I gave her a soft kiss, accompanied by a hug. Bade her a good night and went our separate ways.
Boy! That night was a long one! Didn't know when I fell asleep on the floor at 2am.
"Ziii Ziii Ziii!!!" Went the bloody alarm!
"Urgh! It's morning already?" I said while hissing!
At first I was still feeling sleepy till I remembered the lovely evening I had. I can still remember how soft her lips were that night. Wow.
"Damn! 6:30am, this damned school bus better not leave me. Not today, Satan." I repeated while preparing for school, knowing I had to dress to kill, Lucy must be impressed!
I stormed into the school in grand style! Black and Black! Some would say I was to attend a burial but black really brings out my ass. And I really appreciate the colour. Sure.
Lucy was with a guy laughing, I wondered why. I had to walk up to her real quick to cut them short. This life is too short.
"Hey Lucy…” I almost added my love, but I didn't come to this world to kill myself.
"Hey" I said to the guy, with a faint smile. This guy wanted to hug me. Like, if I should stab him now, they'll call me a psychopath. Let me calm down, sha. Lucy greeted me and gave me a warm hug.
"Oh God, this girl smells like Heaven, oh wow, she's so soft” I could literally die on her and be completely satisfied with my current dysfunctional life. But why is this guy staring at me like he's never seen a weird girl before?
"Oga abeg comot this place" I shouted at him in my mind.
I told Lucy a few things and walked away; this guy still staring at me.
"Maka Chukwu I will slap this boy o!" I ranted in my mind.
Fast forward two months, Lucy and I were having the best relationship ever! I'd bet you could not see us together. Best couple in school. Prom "King" and Queen. Yes, lol. I was the Queen because yes, I had bigger breasts. No shades at Lucy, though. Lol.
Oh, that faithful night, we were "hanging" out in Lucy's room, until her dad barged into her room like the SWAT team raiding someone's home at 2am! He kept shouting on top of his voice, ruining the beautiful moment Lucy and I were having. Such disrespect. It was his house, so I guess... ah, whatever!
"Lucy what are doing with this girl?"
"Lucy will you stand up there this instance!"
"You this girl, leave my house this minute!"
"Lucy how could you do this me..."
He kept going and going, ah God, worst night ever!
Immediately I got home, I kept calling the love of my life, no response. Sent like a billion text messages, not even one response. I got worried. Much more than I was earlier!
I didn't even wait for the alarm to make the nauseating noise it makes in the name of waking me up. Got ready, got to school to wait for Lucy. Finally met her, ran up to her.
"Lucy what happened when I left?"
"Wow, silent treatment? Whatever did I do?" I queried in my mind.
"Lucy??" I watched her walk away. No words spoken, she didn't even look at me. What did her father say to her? What happened that night, I can never tell.
What I know is that I hope Lucy is only acting!
Two weeks have passed. Not a single call from my dear Lucy. Not a single text. I missed my love. I couldn't go to her house, her dad would butcher me and feed me to his Rottweilers. Lucy, oh how I need you. I still need her. She's still my first love. I love her. Never stopped.
One month after the traumatic experience Lucy and I experienced which led to her not talking to me, thereby breaking up with me which in my own words, broke me. I met Lucy. On a date. With a man! The audacity! Walked up to her, with both eyebrows up!
"Lucy, hey, can I talk to you?"
"Excuse me, I'm on a date, we'll talk later" she replied.
If I wasn't such a chill girl, I would have spat on her face. I still love her, though.
"Lucy what do you mean? Can I have a word, please? Now?" This is me, being calm!
"Alright, sure." I ordered a table far from them. I'm still calm.
She kissed him.
I died a little inside.
She hugged the guy, gave him a kiss and bade him goodbye. Wow.
Lucy, walked up to me with the nonsense in this world and asked me "Yes, you wanted to talk."
"Wow Lucy, has it gotten to this? I thought you loved me, what happened that night when I left, Lucy? Please talk to me." I said.
"Stella, I'm gonna be straight with you, I never loved you."
That sentence right there, broke me, shattered me.
"Stella," she continued. "I was only in a phase, I was experimenting with you, I'm sorry but I never..."
I shut her up with a resounding, destiny changing slap. I bet my palm prints are still on her face!
I stood up, with soft warm tears trickling down my cheeks I walked away from her.
I just kept walking till I found myself on the edge of a cliff.
"Lucy, I loved you in this life. But death won't stop me from loving you." I murmured softly, while tasting the salty tears mixed with the mucus coming out from my nose.
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