POSTED 02/22/2018 13:39:57
It seemed like I had been in 307 longer than I should have. It felt like eternity living in your fears, fears faced with weak strength. I had got used to the darkness, thick silence poised, taunting me. Silence that cried out in chill shrills. My blood becoming black, I could say the color of the room had penetrated me. My limbs suffered sore paralysis, the kind that made you wish death was a whistle away.
The shackles just caressed the ground frequently...scaring the rats that had come out for their evening scavenge on my peeling toes. The only hope of life was a ray of golden dusk kissing the earth goodnight. The opening was way up.
“When last did I see someone with two legs apart from the incubus that walked under my clothes every night?” I thought.
The more I thought, the less I comprehended.
“Get up for your food!" he scowled as usual passing a bowl of leftover jollof rice through the tiny square at the door.
“Thank you" I replied and watched him walk away.
Gobbling the meal wasn't tasking after all my body had grown a forced immunity to these things. Every morsel I took brought tears, tears that seemed to flow from my belly, tears that reminded me of times I sat at tables eating the “Kings food" looking at the craft on the crittal door. I threw silent tantrums, tantrums only my soul could hear and feel hurt, smashing the ceramic bowl on the floor. I pulled my hair in pain, trying to rip it from my head but I only screamed the more.
“Kill me! Kill me!! Haven't I suffered enough? Aren’t you happy now? What else do you want? My blood?" I cried through the hall, sounds in seamless volleys that echoed back at me.
I pulled myself to the toilet bowl and let out a loud wretch, the same one that housed my faeces and urine.
“There's no hope for us. Be like say you no know say you dey condemned" a voice said with that sound of hopelessness mixed with humor.
“Fuck you” I screamed almost immediately.
The word condemned hit me hard. Made me remember when Uchenna would tell me to get any condemned cloth for rags. I wasn't thinking of “leaving” but how to leave the world fast.
“Injustice is the mother of all evil? Injustice is evil.” I thought.
“Fred, what was my offence? Wasn’t I a good wife? I warmed your meals and our bed on rainy nights, nights when you were intoxicated with pure lust. Yes! I saw it in I your eyes. Nights when my moans brought you raw bliss, an unwavering desire for more of what only I could give you. She is the reason right? She’s the reason I’m here now wallowing in self pity? She’s the reason?” I said staring at the wall as though I could see Fred as naked as he was that day.
“You know I didn’t kill her, you know I didn’t kill Sharon but you blamed me because you loved her and hated me, because she gave you Jacob, because I couldn’t produce anything? My hands have no blood, my palms are meant for prayers not murder but you dragged that on me, you made me feel like one for once, It felt good. That was your Trump card?” I asked rhetorically chuckling like I had lost my senses.
I actually lost them the day I entered here. I felt like you had used me, more like a man would use a girl, after all I was just eighteen and you, you were nearing forty. I couldn’t take it, you scarred me on the inside, my soul suffering blood marks. I was not just internally humiliated, I felt like a fool for saying “I do.” I tried to make it work but you only fueled the fire. You just laughed as they dragged me out.
“God curse the vagina you came out from” I cursed squinting at the ground as I drew a male caricature with a knife in his chest.
My soliloquy grew louder and intense but it was disturbed when the moon seemed closer, the light through the hole was brighter. Would I hear the sound of heaven touching earth? Or Angels in abysmal battles with demons? Whispers turned to clatters to exchange of harsh words, but they spoke English... Angels don’t speak English! And finally to frenzied gunshots... I could feel thick red blood flow through the pipes, I could feel men drinking to the wastes of others. Goosebumps scattered all over my skin, each as big as a man's tumor. Reality began to cave in on me. Sounds drew closer and closer, uttermost fear became my cloak of comfort.
290 is gone. 291 gone...“Where they killing every inmates?"
“Finally!" I said heaving weak sighs of relief. Bloody sputum flew out of my mouth in a bid to cough in excitement. 300 gone. My mind played scenes of my next life, how fun-filled it would be.
“No humans...No Fred." I thought as an axe went flying through the steel lock making it give way for a well built man to walk in with a shiny revolver in one hand and a key in the other. It was my turn I thought, my turn. I laughed, I really laughed, I surprisingly laughed. I laughed at death I stared in the face, its power was as potent as the wishful thinking of the soul, the one that creates scenes in split seconds. He bent over and placed the revolver at my temple. I could feel myself leaving slowly. I reached out and pulled the trigger and relaxed on the wall to wake up at the other side but I opened my eyes to find him unlocking my chains. Bemused Silence befell me.
“It was a blank, a fucking blank!” I cried.
“Wait! I know you, I've seen you before! I've seen you somewhere! I'm sure!" I said staring intently at his face.
I stared for seconds before… “WAIT!! I'VE SEEN THIS. THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. IVE SEEN THIS SCENE BEFORE” I said widening my eyes at his familiar visage.
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