POSTED 03/08/2018 13:59
I blamed the audience. It was totally the fault of the audience. I mean, how can one be cracking all the jokes and also be the one doing all the laughter? The audience did not have any joy and that was really frustrating for the MC of the black tie event I attended last week – a fund raiser by one of the multi nationals for their breast cancer awareness program.
The hall was packed full. The ambience was heavenly and smelled like money and the décor was totally on point but the audience, which I was part of, was not lively. The MC was trying sha but we were not just helping his career. I guess it was because I was distracted by the beautiful girl I just met that was sitting beside me and talking to me. I didn’t know what distract others.
Every minute she will just say ‘If Aloy was here, this show would be lit!’
I wondered who or what this Aloy was but I knew that not even Basketmouth could make these people laugh. They had no joy. We had no joy at all.
After fiddling with her phone for some minutes, she turned to me.
‘Aloy is coming!’ she said with such excitement that befits a guy whose white paper just had complete ticks.
‘Wow! That’s great!’ I said aloud to her.
‘Hian! So?’ I said silently to myself and then waited to see this so called Aloy and what he will do.
The MC guy continued with the talk and laughter while the pretty girl beside me continued talking about Aloy this and Aloy that.
I was bored to death.
Some moments later I heard ‘Right about now, I’m bringing a colleague in the game. He goes by the name Aloy D Speaker!’ Nobody clapped for him.
I looked at the stage, one short, agbero looking guy climbed the stage. So this is the Aloy guy? I hissed in my mind.
‘Good evening beautiful ladies and gentlemen, I hope you are enjoying yourselves this evening?’ No one answered him. I was happy.
He tried to crack a joke, no one laughed but I was laughing in my heart.
‘Okay. I know you’ve had a stressful day at work but it’s now time to relax and have fun. Let’s do this. Let’s have some fun.’ He paused and looked around. ‘Admire your neighbor.’ He said finally.
I admired the pretty girl sitting by me not because he was telling me what to do though.
‘Say neighbor’ Aloy said to the mic in his right hand. I heard some murmuring of neighbor.
‘Say neighbor’ he said again a bit louder. The murmur was louder.
‘This your face’ He started slowly. They responded. I added the word ‘fine’ in my own which earned me a beautiful smile.
‘Na so so smile e go dey smile’ He finished. The response was deafeningly loud and was followed by some chatter and mild laughter.
When the chatter died down a bit. He started again.
‘Shake your neighbor’ I took the pretty girl’s hand because that was an opportunity for me to hold her soft hand.
‘Say neighbor.’ We responded.
‘This your hand’ They response was clear now. No murmurs again.
‘If the hand is strong say “This your strong hand.”’ Aloy said emphatically.
Everyone roared ‘this your strong hand’ including me that was holding the softest hand on earth. I got a soft poke in the rib for that and I loved it.
‘Na so so blessing you go dey carry.’ He continued.
More than 800 of us chorused after him like nursery school children. A lively chatter engulfed the hall.
‘Bring out your phones and exchange them with your neighbors’ he said after the chatter died down.
I brought out my Nokia torchlight and exchanged it with her gold plated IPhone.
‘Say neighbor.’ We responded.
‘This your phone iye’ we answered as commanded without minding.
I was wondering what he was going to say this time.
‘Is mine’ Aloy finished in a voice you could barely hear.
They girl that sat beside me shouted ‘No!’ in between laughter, returned my phone and snatched hers from my hand. There was laughter, another lively chatter and playful protests at different parts of the hall.
From then on, any joke he cracked was a back to back hit resulting in back to back roars of laughter in every corner of the hall. The pretty lady beside me was laughing and leaning on me making me happier than any joke could possibly do.
At the end.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Aloy D Speaker, thanks for having me’ the clap was thunderous accompanied by whistling and other joyful noises. Some of us even gave him a standing ovation as he left the stage.
‘He’s going to be the MC at our wedding.’ Said the pretty girl that sat beside me.
I turned to look at her. Her index finger was alternating between me and her.
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